


The Writings of Rita Skeeter, Journalist Extraordinaire

by Lysore



Series: A Lake Story [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blatant lies, Crack, Multi, Rita Skeeter's articles, Witch Weekly, ridiculous conspiracies, twisting the truth until it's barely recognizable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 16:24:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13907817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lysore/pseuds/Lysore
Summary: Witch Weekly - March 1995 - Special Triwizard Tournament Edition.The second task is now behind the champions and it was rife with revelations.Were love affairs started in the first task? Are the champions competing not for the Cup but for who could live happily ever after?This reporter knows the answers.





	1. A Five-way love intrigue at the heart of the Triwizard Tournament?

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/156753471@N05/40654940172/in/dateposted/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I don't even have photoshop, I think this turned out pretty good for something done on Word, don't you think? :D
> 
> Also, a blanket disclaimer for the entire story: the original work is not mine, never will be. On the other hand, no one but me reads those chapters before they are posted, so all the mistakes are mine! (yay)


	2. What happened?

## A recap of the second task and its rankings

 

Remember dear readers, in the first task, our champions had to retrieve a golden egg which held their instructions for the second task. All the champions came prepared… Some more than others.

For the second stage of the competition, the champions had one hour to dive deep into Hogwarts’ Black Lake and retrieve what had been taken from them.

The stakes were high, for on this cold February morning, the four competitors realized it hadn't been an item that had been taken underwater, but the person they hold closest to their hearts.

All four hostages were kept in an enchanted sleep at the center of the Lake.

After a desperate race, all four champions successfully managed to retrieve their precious hostage.

 

The first to emerge, a long time before any of his other competitors, was Harry Potter, champion for Hogwarts. He came out of the lake with his dear Hermione Granger in toe.

Cedric Diggory, also a Hogwarts champion, came out of the lake second, accompanied by own girlfriend, the lovely Miss Chang.

Viktor Krum, from Durmstrang, surfaced third. The assistance was stunned to see him emerge, not with a family member, not with a close friend of his, but with the Boy-Who-Lived’s best friend, Roonil Weasley!

Finally, Fleur Delacour, from Beauxbâtons, appeared. To make up for her lateness, the last champion made a spectacle of herself, emerging in a geyser of light and heat, her little sister clutched tightly in her feathered claws.

 

While this task was eventful for the champions, you were better at home dear readers. For had you been present, you would have seen as many things as the sleeping hostages: nothing. For several hours, this reporter and all the other spectators had to stay in the cold to watch the undisturbed surface of the Black Lake and wait.

While the champions were retrieving their hostages, the only excitement of the better part of an hour came when a Beauxbâtons student, unused to the Scottish winter, had to be evacuated because she was too cold to stay outside for one more second.

That was it, dear readers.

 

After the excitement of the first task, this reporter, just like the assistance, had expected better of the organisers and hopes Ludo Bagman will have steered this Tournament back in the right direction in time for the third task, for if this reporter had to sum it up in two words, the second task was cold and boring.

Gregory Goyle, a fourth year Slytherin who had come to cheer for Diggory, said that _“had [he] known there was nothing to see in the second task, [he] would have slept in today.”_ This sentiment was echoed by Vincent Crabbe, who added that the weather outside was so freezing both he and Mister Goyle would have preferred to take their time to eat breakfast inside. In fact, as Pansy Parkinson pointed out, many people had been discouraged by the weather and probably wouldn't have gone to watch the task at all, _“if Draco hadn’t wanted to see Potter in a swimsuit so much and dragged us all with him.”_

Colin Creevy, housemate and official photographer of the Boy-Who-Lived despite his young age, admitted through heart wrenching sobs that _“I had thought it would have been like the first task, a true display of skills that would make my heart race. I had my camera at the ready for nearly the entire task but there was nothing to see! Towards the end, my arms were cramping and it was so cold I had to put my camera down for a few seconds because I risked dropping it. But Harry chose that moment to come out of the Lake! And I missed it!”_ The child’s distress was real, my dear readers. It was so touching Bozo, this reporter’s valued photographer, stayed for some time with Mister Creevy to teach him a few tricks of his trade to comfort him.

You see dear readers? This is what the second task amounted to. This reporter now wonder what tedious third task is in store for the audience. Currently, the only silver lining she has been able to find is that it shall take place on the twenty-fourth of June, so the outside temperature will be significantly higher.

 

The reason for such a secrecy in the proceedings of the second task unfortunately became clear to this reporter when she investigated.

The champions were discreetly observed during the entirety of the task by Merpeople.

Albus Dumbledore is the only person in Wizarding Europe who can speak Mermish. As such, he was the one who translated the Merpeoples’ reports to the other judges.

As this reporter discovered, he took many liberties during those translations. This reporter would advise you to take any quote of his with a grain of salt.

 

Due to Dumbledore’s imperfect Mermish translations, the final scores of the second task took many by surprise.

Delacour obviously came fourth and was awarded a weak 25 points (first task: 39, total: 64)

In third place, the first surprise happened for Potter only got 30 points (first task: 40, total: 70).

Because of this, Krum easily ranked second with his 40 points (first task: 40, total: 80).

And in first place, you shall find Diggory, with an exceptional though undeserved 49 points (first task: 38, total: 85).

 

Do note, dear readers, that the gap in points between the champions was so important the overall ranking is similar to the second task’s.

You would be right to wonder: how can Harry Potter have ended up so far down in the rankings? This reporter asked herself the same question and investigated. The answers can be found in the next pages.


	3. Fleur Delacour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Fleur Delacour tired of always failing in the tasks? Has this sexually active woman genuinely fallen for the virginal charms of a fourteen year old child? Or has this part creature decided to use her allure on her competitors to secure her victory in the next task, starting with our own Boy-Who-Lived? Who will be the next victim of her implacable thirst for glory ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are finally diving fully in the articles.  
> If you don't want to read the story they are based on in its entirety, and you found the Rita's biased recap of the previous chapter insufficient, I would recommend reading the end of "I could only see you", when Bagman gives a short commentary of what really happened during the task.

## A savage creature hiding behind an innocent front

 

Fleur Delacour, always last. It could be a result of the poor quality of Beauxbâtons’ education, an inherent weakness in her character, or even the fault of her inferior status as a part-creature. But none of this is true. Do not assume she is but a vapid blonde for she hides more intellect than she lets on.

 

While the only woman of the competition has been heard complaining countless times about how it was _“too bad”_ she _“always ended up last”_ , the complicit glances she has shared every time with her headmistress tell another story.

Delacour didn’t enter in the Tournament in pursuit of glory earned through feats of bravery, like her competitors. No. Like her brethren, this Veela’s appetite for fame can only be quenched by male adoration. This reporter firmly believes Delacour could win the tasks but she purposefully fails them for she knows men are weak when faced with a beautiful damsel in distress.

 

Despite this, the French champion made a noticed entrance in the Tournament, mostly thanks to her abuse of her magical allure. She was heard repeatedly defending herself that as a quarter-Veela, it was difficult for her to control what ‘little’ allure she had. This reporter would have believed it, but when she specifically asked the champion why she didn’t make more efforts, Delacour answered that _“[she is] simply naturally pretty”_ so _“[she doesn’t] need any magic to enhance [her] appearance”._

Could this woman have tried to lie to this reporter? It is a distinct possibility. One could even argue it should be expected since French people are notoriously unreliable. But this reporter believed Fleur Delacour deserved the benefit of the doubt, she was the one the Cup had singled out after all, and not rely on outdated prejudice.

Unfortunately, this reporter’s hopes were disappointed. Even Delacour’s classmates seem unable to truly appreciate or support their champion, whose self-satisfied smile can be seen flashed at every male who ventures in her vicinity. She can often be found alone and not one member of the French delegation agreed to speak with this reporter on this topic, showing both a clear lack of good-will and a lack of any warm feeling towards Fleur Delacour.

This could only mean one thing: this champion was hiding something from this reporter that even her compatriots disapproved of, bar her half-giant of a headmistress.

 

This reporter’s hunch has been confirmed multiple times by Delacour’s general behavior.

During the first task, the champions discovered mere minutes before entering the arena they would have to face a dragon. Where all the wizards competing against her desperately tried to outwit their dragon to retrieve their golden egg, the Beauxbâtons champion decided to use her allure. On a _dragon_. And she nearly succeeded in charming it!

All the clues point to one thing: Delacour seems to fully embrace her Veela nature instead of being rightfully ashamed by her lack of control over the less than human aspects of her being. Her pride in her lack of humanity was confirmed at the Yule Ball, where she first charmed a complete stranger to dance with her, before leaving him alone and dazzled while she seduced fine British wizards left and right all throughout the night.

This reporter fully uncovered the dirty secret the female champion was hiding during the second task, when she foolishly gave free reign to the full extent of her non-human powers. Let this reporter confirm this for you, dear readers: it is impossible for anyone not possessing one hundred percent pure Veela blood to transform into the revolting half-Harpy shape Delacour assumed during the second task.

Delacour is a full-blooded Veela and as such, she has no place in this Tournament reserved to true wizards and witches who hold at least 51% of human blood!

This reporter has to admit that pretending to be part human is no small feat for a creature and she impressed the French champion managed to maintain the illusion for such a long time. That she managed to fool even Albus Dumbledore until the second task is both awe-inspiring and worrying: what else is she successfully hiding?

 

For this reporter’s discoveries do not stop there. Krum and Delacour, afraid the Hogwarts champions could band together during the second task (forgetting both were British and as such too honourable to commit to such a dreadful course of action), decided to help each other.

Delacour herself is the mastermind behind the collaboration. She approached the Bulgarian champion and let him know that while the Cup wasn't her goal in this competition, she didn’t want any of the two Englishmen to win.

The world famous Seeker, keen to gather fame unrelated to his status as a Quidditch player, accepted her deal. He would keep quiet about the serial seductress’ enslavement of the next generation of British wizards and in exchange, she would help him win.

 

This unlikely team identified Harry Potter early on as their main opponent in the Tournament. This reporter can only agree with their assessment: the Boy-Who-Lived proved his defeat of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named at the tender age one wasn’t a fluke when he managed to overpower the protection Albus Dumbledore himself had placed around the Cup to get selected as a fourth contestant. This proves that at only fourteen, still three years away from his full magical maturity, the youngest of the four champions is already a force to be reckoned with in terms of raw magical power.

The two foreign champions felt so threatened Krum even volunteered to seduce Potter’s friends one by one, to isolate the already lonely orphan. Have no fear, dear readers: such a course of actions caused him no moral quandary considering his well known carnal hunger for children. But Krum overestimated his appeal and soon, both Weasley and Granger were back by Harry Potter’s side.

 

As a consequence, Delcour decided to up her game by taking a leaf out of Krum’s book: she started to use her feminine assets on young Harry Potter. Just like Krum went all out during a Yule night of passion with Hermione Granger, in her mind, no sacrifice was too great when it came to luring the Boy-Who-Lived away from the Cup and into her net.

This reporter saw her with her own eyes, posing before the flustered teen in a revealing swimsuit. She was swearing to him the sexual tension that existed between them had awoken a new fire in her blood and this was what had turned her into a full-blooded Veela while under the lake… Fortunately, Hermione Granger intervened before the French champion could take things further.

This discourse can only mean one thing, dear readers: something happened under that lake. Something so unspeakable even Albus Dumbledore tried to keep it tightly under wraps when he translated the Merpeople’s reports. He only managed to sanction Delacour with a low score for the second task. This reporter can only guess what horrors this creature inflicted onto Hogwarts most famous student while underwater…

This reporter would like to take this opportunity to remind both of the foreign delegations the age of consent in the British Wizarding World is seventeen and not fourteen.

 

Unfortunately for the pair, their plan backfired: by focusing on Potter, they overlooked the last contestant, and never suspected Diggory had an ace hidden in his sleeve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not certain how well I've managed to capture Skeeter's tone in those pseudo-articles. Are they too long? too short? Too nasty? Not enough? Too serious? Or too laid-back?  
> Was it at least entertaining?  
> Any sort of feedback would be most welcome :)


	4. Cedric Diggory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cedric Diggory, the alleged “true Hogwarts Champion” and apparent winner of the second task, made his hostage an active participant of his victory. He was heard confirming to Harry Potter and Hermione Granger he never could have finished the task without Miss Cho Chang’s invaluable help.

## He who knows how to choose his girlfriend

Cedric Diggory is several things.

A seventeen years old boy.

A Hufflepuff.

A champion representing Hogwarts in the Triwizard Tournament.

The son of Amos Diggory who, for those of you who come from Muggle households, is the head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical creatures, a member of the board of governors of Hogwarts, and a person who should make use of his influence to do his job and control Delacour instead of harassing me because according to him I do not speak enough of his son in my Tournament-related articles. (Are you happy now Amos? Your precious son is getting a _nice_ page all to himself, just like you wanted!)

Do you see the link between all these things my dear readers? If not, you shall soon.

 

Amos’ son has been promised to a bright future since birth thanks to his advantageous parentage. One could say he is also not devoid of worth of his own making, since he managed to get selected in the Triwizard Tournament on his own. It is true that during this competition, Cedric Diggory has shown a vast improvement between the task: he finished fourth in the first and first in the second.

How can such a drastic rise in the rankings be explained?

The first task was a trial of improvisation: just like his rivals, he discovered he would have to retrieve a golden egg from a nesting she-dragon only minutes before having to enter the arena. Alas, Diggory is a Hufflepuff, not a Gryffindor. He proved his tender heart was ill suited to a trial that required bravery combined with an ability to think on one’s feet.

All the champions except him did their best. Delacour, true to herself, tried to seduce her Common Welsh Green. Krum confidently attacked his Chinese Fireball head. He tried - and failed - to gouge its eyes out. Potter, in a suicidal maneuver not even Krum, the most talented flyer of his generation, dared to attempt, managed to out-fly his Hungarian Horntail.

Diggory disappointed everyone by taking an entirely different direction. Upon entering the arena, he swiftly forgot he was in a competition and tried to feed his Swedish Short-Snout with a dog he had transfigured from a rock so it could take care of its eggs in peace. He then attempted to pet said eggs, much to the displeasure of the dragon. It took, the dragon actively trying to roast him for him to finally remember what he was supposed to do.

We could blame his actions on disorientation because Potter had unexpectedly stolen his moment of glory by becoming selected as a second champion for Hogwarts. We could blame it on his fragile mind breaking under the pressure of the Tournament, mostly because of the weight his father on his shoulders. Amos desperately wishes for his son to best Harry Potter at at least one thing, which never seems to happen. Understandably, this champion’s blatant reluctance to follow the rules of the first task understandably placed him last.

 

This reporter would have liked to tell you that after his terrible failure in the first task, the eldest of the two Hogwarts champions finally got a grip on himself and started to show what he is made of by giving us a brilliant performance during the second task.

While it is true that Diggory did show what he was truly made of a few days ago, he is not the one that ought to be congratulated for his high score.

As you are all aware of, the second task couldn’t be more different than the first.

The contestants had to solve a riddle spoken in Mermish and were to prepare based on it. When interrogated about Diggory’s extraordinary performance in the task, his head of house, Pomona Sprout, said “Cedric is a perfect Hufflepuff: hardworking and friendly. That’s why he succeeded. The entirety of my house rallied behind him to support him as much as they could... within the boundaries of the Tournament’s rules, of course.”

Hogwarts’ Herbology professor was right. As this reporter discovered, Diggory succeeded not through any inherent brilliance on his part but because, just like his father, young Diggory knows how to surround himself with the right people.

Enters Cho Chang.

 

Miss Chang is at the same time a fifth year Hogwarts student, a Ravenclaw, Mister Diggory’s girlfriend, his Yule Ball date, his hostage during the second task, and the reason behind his recent stunning performance.

Immediately after getting out of the lake, the Hufflepuff explained in great details to Harry Potter and Hermione Granger how Miss Chang, true to the sharp intelligence her House is known for, was the one who figured out the egg’s riddle. And her role didn’t stop here.

She knew her beloved wouldn’t fare well if faced with a danger while underwater. To help him, this supportive girlfriend devised a way to help him. Since she had divined she would have been taken hostage for the second task, she found a way to fool the organizers and pretended to fall asleep like the other hostages. Armed only with a weak Warming Charm and the same Bubble-Head Charm Diggory used during the task, she then proceeded to wait for her boyfriend in the freezing water of the lake all throughout the night and until mid-morning the next day.

This only left Diggory with the task of swimming to her. Once this was done, they swam back to the shore together. The way the task unfolded proved Chang was right to have shouldered most of Diggory’s burden: even though his role in the task had been simplified as much as possible, he still emerged far later than Hogwarts’ other champion. To this date, it is still a mystery how he managed to take so long to complete his simplified task. A fourteen years old managed to swim faster than him!

 

Though he emerged second, the jury still decided to award him a high score, not because of his actual performance, but because the self effacing Miss Chang insisted what she did was help her boyfriend the way the rules allowed and as such, the credit of their combined performance should be fully attributed to him. Touched by this display, the jury was more generous with Diggory’s points than it would have been otherwise.

 

This reporter knows what you are thinking now, my dear readers: what about the third task? Can Diggory still become the first Hufflepuff in history to ever win the Triwizard Tournament?

At the end of the first task, this reporter would have told you to move your bets to Harry Potter, that the Goblet of Fire had made a mistake when it chose Diggory.

This reporter, while still believing Diggory’s rightful place is further down in the rankings, could surprise us all once again in the final task, for it also needs to be prepared. As such, this champion could have a fighting chance should his faithful girlfriend keep supporting him. This collaboration is not to be underestimated: together, Chang and Krum managed to best Harry Potter despite emerging after him and Hermione Granger. They were also able to thwart the plot hatched by Delacour and Krum to make the latter win. Fate willing, he could reveal himself as the winner of this year's Tournament, though this time, Cho chang would have to remain in the stands.

The winner of the Cup has yet to be decided.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an edited version of the article, since the first version was too nice. I hope this version is more Skeeter-worthy.


	5. Viktor Krum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was this reporter wrong about the events of the Yule Ball? Did Durmstrang’s Viktor Krum take Hermione Granger, breaker of hearts, to the ball only to destabilise a fellow champion? Or was it to grab the attention of Ron Weasley, who he openly acknowledged as his most precious person in the second task?

## Desperate love or cold hearted sabotage?

After taking Harry Potter’s secret sweetheart, Hermione Granger, to the Yule Ball, Viktor Krum further attempted to destabilize the youngest champion by somehow managing to trick the jury into choosing Roonil Weasley as his hostage during the Second Task… Or so it may seem.

 

As you all know by now, dear readers, mere days after the choosing of the champions, Viktor Krum was terrified Harry Potter, a formidable Seeker like him, powerful like him, famous like him, could win the Tournament at only fourteen years of age. Because of this, he teamed up with the French she-Veela who was angry the British team got two people when France only got her. Fright met jealousy and they made a deal supposed to prevent Potter from winning what had become the Quadwizard Tournament.

As this reporter detailed in a [previous article](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13907817/chapters/32135256), Krum’s task was to take Potter’s only two friends away from him. But surprisingly, what started as an elaborate deception, turned into something more along the way.

 

Krum’s pursuit of Miss Granger was a public affair. He wooed her during the year through extended stays in Hogwarts’ library, a place so familiar to this bookworm it could be considered her true home. During the months preceding the Second Task, he gradually became more promiscuous until he convinced her to turn Harry Potter down and be his Yule Ball date instead. This had a great impact on the youngest champion who was seen gazing mournfully in Granger’s direction during most of the ball.

He was right to worry: a Hogwarts student who wished to remain anonymous confided in this reporter she had caught sight of the pair in one of the castle’s hidden alcoves: _“I could barely believe my eyes,”_ she confessed. _“I heard that kind of noises so I was curious... I was so shocked: I didn’t think Granger was this sort of girl!”_

After the Ball, Krum felt his efforts had been sufficient to successfully steal Granger away from Potter and turned his entire focus on his other prey.

 

Where Weasley was concerned, Krum was far more discreet. An understandable precaution on his part since he wouldn’t have wanted Granger to discover he was also paying special attention to someone else and alienate her as a result. But once the Yule Ball was over, he seemed to stop caring about being discovered.

Weasley had been particularly hurt to find out Potter hadn’t trusted him enough to confide in him he had found a way to get selected in the Tournament. As a result, Krum took advantage of the crack that had formed into the Potter-Weasley friendship. With time, what started as pure manipulation morphed into genuine feelings and the Seeker, famous for his near muteness during his interactions with journalists, became a new person around the orange-haired child. To the surprise of the audience, this reporter included, showed at the end of the second task he could be sentimental and open with Roonil Weasley, whose closest friend call Ronald and sometimes Ron.

Such a change in behaviour shocked even his classmates. One of them told this reporter he had _“never seen Viktor behave like that. He talked more with the boy at the edge of the lake than he ever spoke with me during all our schooling, and we share a dorm!”_

Another was even more hurt, stating that _“I thought we were friends but he didn’t even tell me he had a boyfriend! The boy is plain and looks a little dim-witted, sure, but I would have liked to meet him. Did you see the care he was displaying when he carried him so carefully out of the lake? He truly has deep feelings for this kid! Were we even friends to begin with?”_ This boy’s pain was real. How many Durmstrang students realized they had been duped by Krum during the Second Task? This reporter doesn’t want to know.

 

Let us go back to more positive and sincere subjects. Krum’s care for the boy is so great he was heard arguing with Beauxbâtons’ champion, telling her he was ending their arrangement. In the face of such an astonishing depth of feelings on Krum’s side, this reporter tried to see what the two famous champions saw in Roonil Weasley.

At first glance, this boy appears to only possess average looks, poor grades, and an immature personality. His greatest love seems to be food.

Surprisingly, further investigations proved it was in fact this unremarkableness that made him a valuable friend. He combines this debatable quality with a complete lack of ambition, which renders him unable to understand how much of a privilege it is to be friends with this generation’s celebrities. This only served to endeared him even more to the two champions. Finally, the child’s sincerity and unending thirst for approval apparently made this pure soul the best possible friend for Harry Potter and lover for Viktor Krum.

 

Potter even seems to have given Krum his blessings regarding this relationship: the Boy-Who-Lived was the first to reach the hostages during the Second Task. He could have waited for Krum so they could both decide who got to take whom back up. He could have chosen to take both Weasley and Granger with him. He could have chosen to save Weasley only and leave Granger to her Yule Ball Date. He did none of these things. Instead, he saved the girl he is infatuated with over his alleged best friend, thus showing he trusted Krum to take better care of Weasley than he himself could.

 

Though Krum seems to have finally decided to stop toying with everyone’s affections by revealing his true colours, this reporter can’t help but worry. Weasley is a simple and easily manipulated child, and as such vulnerable when faced with a master of deception such as Krum. It would be so easy for the rich, famous, and muscled Bulgarian, in all his manly forcefullness, to coerce Roonil into doing things he isn’t ready for yet, or may not understand the consequences of.

This reporter's worries are confirmed by the Bulgarian's behavior itself: Durmstrang’s champion, for all his reclusiveness, lets his true nature shine on the Quidditch Pitch. Remember how he straddles his broom, dear readers! Do not make the mistake of assuming that when you give him a finger, he will not take the whole arm. Behind his frowns and his silences, he hides a savagely passionnate personality.  

His tastes are also worrying. Hermione Granger? Roonil Weasley? Even if his relationships with them started as deceptions, he became more involved in those duperies than what is healthy.

We should not forget that more than the best friends of Harry Potter, Weasley and Granger are only fourteen years old: children, barely teenagers. While Granger has proven she is very mature for her age, the same cannot be said for Roonil. Does the Bulgarian count on his weak grasp of the English language to force “misunderstandings” to happen? How far do these fake misunderstandings go?

 

One thing is certain: from now on, this reporter shall keep a close eye on Krum’s interactions with the youngest Weasley boy and encourages you all to do the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She called Arthur 'Arnold' in canon so it seemed fitting she wouldn’t call any of the Weasley by their proper names here either.  
> I think JK Rowling did it on purpose to drive home that Skeeter couldn’t care less about the truth to the point she couldn’t even be bothered to make sure she used people’s actual names in her articles.
> 
> Thanks for reading


	6. Harry Potter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are Potter and Krum sharing lovers? Or is our dear orphan, already suffering from abandonment issues, desperate to reclaim his girlfriend, stolen from him for the time of a ball by the charismatic and muscled Bulgarian Seeker? And what of Roonil Weasley's fate?

## The Boy-Who-Lived to fear loneliness

At first glance, seeing as how the Boy-Who-Lived’s friends seem to navigate from one famous champion to another, one could believe Harry Potter and Viktor Krum have an arrangement regarding who will get which one of them which month. An open relationship, if you would, my dear readers.

This couldn’t be further from the truth, as both Potter and Krum seem to be keenly aware of which of the two they hold closest to their hearts. During the Second Task, Harry Potter was the first person to discover the hostages. His attraction to Miss Granger is so great he decided to abandon the person he calls his best friend at the tender mercy of Viktor Krum in favour of saving her. Though Roonil didn’t look surprised by such a choice. In fact, he seemed to have expected it since he happily stayed at Krum’s side before going back to Potter’s once the Task was over.

 

It is common knowledge that Potter is protective of his two friends. The death of his parents has scarred him even more than the lightning bolt he proudly displays on his forehead. As a result, the child possess a cripling fear of loneliness. During a private interview, the famous orphan confessed to this reporter _“I wanted to enter the Tournament because I thought it would have made my parents proud, especially my Dad.”_ But that’s not the only reason. After some more prodding, he finally confessed to this reported the true reason he had wanted to participate: _“I’m always terrified my friends will wake up one day and decide they want to leave me. I need to be the Boy-Who-Lived for them you know? So I thought getting into the Tournament would prove them I am worthy of their attention. I just can’t stand the thought of being alone.”_

Unfortunately for the confused child, his plan backfired spectacularly at the beginning. Weasley and Granger distanced themselves from him for a few weeks, which allowed Krum to get close to them.

The times leading to the first task were dark indeed for Potter, who was living his worst nightmare. This had such a soul-breaking impact on the famous orphan that the ghost who inhabits one of the rarely used bathrooms of Hogwarts' second floor affirmed to this reporter she has shared more crying time with the emotionally distraught boy this year than during all the previous ones combined. According to the same ghost, Potter’s prospects started to brighten once the Yule ball was over since he has been joining her less frequently of late.

 

The reason for his suddenly more positive outlook on life is, of course, Hermione Granger.

Though she was distracted for awhile with Viktor Krum, she was far less easily seduced than Roonil Weasley. This girl might be only fourteen, but she is as dangerous as Delacour when it comes to battles of love and she guards her place in Potter’s heart jealously.

This led this reporter to wonder: did this girl, reported to be the brightest student Hogwarts had taught since Tom Riddle’s days, divine that Krum’s interest in her was faked? Did she agree to go with him to the Yule Ball only to deceive him into thinking he was winning her love? Were both Krum and Granger trying to out-act each other since their first interactions?

 

This wouldn’t surprise this reporter one bit. Many of her classmates have reported this teen is accomplished in the art of faking innocence.

After all, who else but the most ambitious and cunning actress could have managed to glue herself to the Boy-Who-Lived’s side ever since the start of their first year, despite her lack of prior connections in the Wizarding World?

Who else could have found a way to endear herself to all the celebrities who cross her path? A discreet Ravenclaw recounted to this reporter how close she was to the dearly regretted Gilderoy Lockhart when he taught at Hogwarts, receiving many a private lesson from our once great expert in defence against the Dark Arts and Dark Creatures. Moreover, as this student’s friend reminded this reporter, this precocious girl was only twelve at the time!

As such, it is no wonder she managed to lead Krum on and confirm her place as Potter’s most precious person. This teen, no, this woman, knows how to use every weapon at her disposal, and she even cleans up decently well, as she showed when she appeared at Krum’s arm at the Ball.

 

Make no mistake, dear readers: if you wish to approach the Boy-Who-Lived, this witch will be your only love rival and your main difficulty in getting close to him. She is an expert at taking advantage of the Boy-Who-Lived’s abandonment phobia at every turn, hence her success at keeping him isolated from anyone but herself and Roonil.

It is in fact a wonder that the Weasley boy got allowed to carve himself a place in Potter’s life, so fiercely she defends her territory. When asked about it, a dorm-mate of Potter timidly whispered he thought it was because she deemed him harmless. This reporter tends to agree with this explanation.

 

In stark contrast to Granger's motives, Roonil Weasley’s intentions when befriending the Boy-Who-Lived were far purer. This teen suffered through a difficult childhood at the hand of Moira and Arnold Weasley, two parents so poor they cannot afford to feed their flock of children equally. Worse, they display a disturbing amount of favouritism towards their only daughter. Because of this, he had thought to find protection (and food) by placing himself under the clout of fame the Boy-Who-Lived possesses.

When Potter entered himself in the Tournament without warning him, young Weasley was afraid for his friend’s life. Should Potter die, he would be fully at the mercy of his parents once again. The poor child was so terrified he metaphorically ran away, distancing himself from Potter. This left Roonil open to Krum’s advances and his offer of himself as an alternate protector. Roonil didn’t hesitate and jumped on this new opportunity, which wounded the youngest Hogwarts champion deeply.

Any Hogwarts student could tell you this: Harry Potter’s fellow Gryffindor has always been inordinately dear to him, especially since he unsuccessfully attempted to replace the Boy-Who-Lived’s deceased parents with his own, through the use of an obscure blood adoption ritual.

Yes, dear readers, that is as far as his to the youngest champion goes. He was willing to share everything with him, even his family, even his blood. Such selflessness needs to be praised though this reporter wouldn’t encourage anyone to attempt to reproduce this, not even in an attempt to impress our World’s most famous orphan.

While this paints a pretty picture of deep, self-sacrificing friendship, this reporter couldn’t help but feel something wasn’t quite right. How could Roonil ever get the idea to try such a difficult ritual on his own? Was he even capable of such a complicated thought process? The answer is simple: he was suggested this idea.

 

During her investigations, this reporter stumbled upon the most horrifying conspiracy. Something she could never have imagined, not even in her wildest dreams. Young Weasley was manipulated by his own parents into attempting this dangerous magical process.

Have you never wondered how the Weasley managed to breed so many children? Especially given how rare births happen in wizarding families? This reporter has found out the true reason. No, they are not particularly blessed or lucky. No, fertility potions are not the answer.

Roonil attempted a ritual this reporter couldn’t find any trace of in her preliminary investigations. And for a good reason: his parents, Arnold and Moira, created it. When they were young, they tried to reproduce. But unfortunately for them, they found out Moira was infertile. Their grief was so deep they couldn’t resolve themselves to never have any offsprings of their own. So they found a way.

They planned their coup carefully. Arnold even sacrificed a potentially bright future in the Ministry of Magic and pretended to be a lover of all things Muggle. This deception had one goal only: to give him access to the records of the first generation magical children born in Muggle families. Armed with this precious knowledge, the couple started abducting young Muggle-Born children from age one to five, turned them into their own by blood, erased their past memories, and raised them as their own.

With each success, they became more greedy and kidnapped then brainwashed more and more children. One wasn’t enough. They needed two, three, four even. They desired to reach the powerful number of seven children and to crown their success with a girl.

To think their nefarious plan could have gone undiscovered if Potter had not been seen trying to dye his hair in the exact same shade as the Weasley, and heard claiming he deeply regretted that Roonil Weasley only stayed _“[his] brother in everything but blood”_ , because _“Ron's parents' ritual had failed”_!

The poor, lonely champion had fallen prey to the Weasley couple’s web of lies where they promised him a family that would never abandon him and siblings galore, when in reality they were coveting the opportunity of having another child to raise and manipulate, and also the Potter family fortune to sustain themselves and their orange-haired brood.

Fortunately for the Boy-Who-Lived, the ritual seems to only works on Muggle-Born children. Arthur and Moira had counted on Lily Potter’s humble Muggle origins and thought it would be enough. But the Boy-Who-Lived was too old when they attempted it. Moreover, the Potter blood is far older than the Weasley blood. As a result, it was strong enough to overpower the Weasley blood-adopting magic.

 

 

**A parting note**

This reporter shall bid you goodbye for now, dear readers, to go on an in depth investigation of the reports of Muggle-Born disappearances and the ties the Weasley couple has with them. Has Mad-Eye Moody helped them laugh in the face of their status as one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight Families? Is this why Arnold Weasley ceaselessly defends the Auror, now a teacher at Hogwarts? How did they brainwash the poor children they took from their families?

What is the fate of those who try to break free of the mental conditioning? Are the twins’ antics a cry for help that no one was able to decrypt before?

Does Potter suffers from some after effects of the failed attempt at using the ritual on him?

 

You can be certain, dear readers, that this reporter will investigate this matter most thoroughly for you deserve to hear the truth.

Weasleys, beware, your deceptions shall soon be laid bare for all to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it.  
> I hope you found this collection of "articles" amusing, especially this last one. Out of them all, it's my personal favourite.  
> Thanks for reading (✿╹◡╹)ﾉ゛


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